From the Zeta City Tribune (February 8, 2014)
Yet another new villain has emerged, this time in a fog of cigarillo smoke and a stream of foul language. Boss Cactus—the newest member of The Zeta City Syndicate of International Super Criminals and Crooks Against The Good, The Fair, and The Just (ZCSISCCATGTFTJ)—forced his way into City Hall this morning, kicking in every door in his path to the mayor’s office.
“Stick ’em up!” the villain said upon his arrival in the Hexagonal Office, while one of his henchmen used a small fan to blow a tumbleweed into the room. Surprisingly, Boss Cactus didn’t lay a hand on the mayor during the entire fifteen minutes it took for police to arrive on the scene and prompt the prickly perpetrator to make a hasty exit. The mayor remarked later on the episode, stating for the record, “It was almost as if we has waiting for me to draw on him or something. Honestly, I think that weirdo just likes kicking in doors and saying that cheesy line of his.”
The formal police report confirmed that not only was the mayor left unharmed during Boss Cactus’s brazen and bizarre invasion, but also that nothing was reported missing or stolen. It did note, however, that almost every door in the building had been destroyed in one way or another.
According to witnesses outside of City Hall, two hero hopefuls—Jungle Cobra and Dark Foot—ended up giving chase as Boss Cactus fled the scene.
Both seemed out of their depth, however, as Jungle Viper kept looking for a vine to swing on in order to pursue Boss Cactus, while Dark Foot insisted on kicking Jungle Cobra when she wasn’t looking and then taking a victory lap.