Spotted in Zeta City
From the desk of Chaz Castlefield:
Today two separate VHS tapes, each suspected of containing threats to Zeta City officials, were discovered on the steps of City Hall. Authorities cannot confirm if the contents do in fact contain threats, as no one has a VCR to view said tapes. Police Commissioner Thaddeus Maccabee made this statement to the press just hours ago:“No, we don’t know if these tapes are actually threats, but the way they were packed so recklessly, it could only be the work of social deviants. Also the word mayor was misspelled, and there appeared to be taco sauce on the envelope.”
I have been informed by a semi-reliable confidential source within The Zeta City Syndicate of International Super Criminals and Crooks Against The Good, The Fair, and The Just (ZCSISCCATGTFTJ) that one of their junior members, War Punk, was the instigator of this incident, as it was she who egged on the parties who made and delivered the tapes. Whether her actions were a poor attempt at an initiation prank or a means to distract the police from discovering her actual plans remains to be seen.
In related news, new heroes continue to flood into our fair city, leading this reporter to believe that these masked men and women could literally be anyone! Your friends, your neighbors, even your pets! Even YOU!
When will it end, citizens? When will it end…?